I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
