I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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