you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
