So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
