I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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