I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
