I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
