so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
