omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
