FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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