I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
