now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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