Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
