I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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