I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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