i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
