I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
