After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
