From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
