Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
