I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
