Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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