God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
