Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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