Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
