U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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