Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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