I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
