hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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