brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
