the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
