What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
