I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
