I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
