drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
