Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
