I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
