peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just google imaged poop.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
