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Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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