Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
