i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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