Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
