I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
