the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
