I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
