Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
