In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
