God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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