My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I want a musical about memes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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