she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
