please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
