Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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