God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
