just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
