I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
