So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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