if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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