In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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