I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
