Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
