Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
