i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i dont even know how to be here
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
