the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
